I’m really gullible, so they take advantage of it.

• thingswethink

  • Listening to the inception soundtrack. If this movie had an ass I'd eat it. 4 hours ago

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  • Not Here Specifically, No. March 21, 2009
    Allan waited for his eyes to adjust. After twenty seconds, everything was still black. So he just kept them closed, because at some point, some asshole behind a piece of one way glass would turn on the lights and blind him. AND LO AND BEHOLD! A light switch clicked and Allan felt twelve thousand lumen [...]
    thethingswethink
  • The Little Bomb That Could. February 6, 2009
    As far as bombs go, I wasn’t supposed to kill that many people. I wasn’t suppoed to destroy entire city blocks. I was what other bombs call “a message,” the type of bomb that puts someone on notice rather than kills them. Didn’t stop me though. I didn’t let my deficiencies hold me back. Where others said [...]
    thethingswethink
  • Cop sets woman on fire, arrests her for being on fire. January 29, 2009
    “I saw someone breaking the law so I arrested them.” That’s the way Green County Sheriff’s deputy Marcus Horna describes it. The incident he refers to happened last wednesday on highway 311 near the Ghor rd. intersection. Janice Behr was pulled on the shoulder because her tire blew out. Behr called 911  for assistance and [...]
    thethingswethink
  • Hallucinating Severed Heads January 21, 2009
    Today I opened my medicine cabinet and there was a head in there, just some random dude’s head, sitting between my Nyquil and my toothpaste. So I did what I always do when I see something like that, I said to myself, “Self, that can’t be real, there’s no way your medicine cabinet is deep [...]
    thethingswethink
  • Idiot Dreaming January 14, 2009
    Two idiots stood in a room. One said to the other “Punch me in the face.” And the other one did. Now, the reason that one of them wanted to be punched in the face was that he was an idiot, as has already been previously mentioned. But I should be more specific. Saying that [...]
    thethingswethink
  • The Wrong Time for Talking Heads January 7, 2009
    There was an old Talking Heads song called “Once In A Lifetime” that ran through Jeremy’s head as the enemies moved up the steps. The metal steps clinked and echoed as their boots hit each step, and in his head, Jeremy’s thoughts went back and forth from David Byrne dancing around in his big suit [...]
    thethingswethink
  • Ron’s Utter Failure of a Comedy Act. January 1, 2009
    Ron took the microphone out of the stand, tossed the cord over his shoulder and let it drape over his left jacket pocket. Then he took a piece of black electrical tape and taped the microphone to his chest, under his chin. He did the old “Check, Check,” and, assured that he was coming through [...]
    thethingswethink
  • A Shadow Drifts Along October 29, 2008
    A shadow floated in the water. It drifted and turned as the current did, like weeds or sticks. Its head hung limply beneath the surface, and its arms and torso were pulled outward. The midday sun struck the water, and it split into myriad beams, yet none passed through the shadow’s back. So it is [...]
    thethingswethink
  • The bell music that turns the trees October 1, 2008
    In a clearing in a field there sat a Carillon, a tower with bells in it that played music. The Carillon rose hundreds of feet high and hundreds of yards away in all directions there lay a forest of old oak and birch and maple trees and their leaves were the truest shade of green [...]
    thethingswethink
  • How to shit your pants in style September 2, 2008
    A little background is necessary first. Back in October I had a brief fling with one of the heads of a different department. This lady isn’t technically my boss, but she could fire me on the spot if she wanted to since she’s above me in the chain of command. Our company is a little [...]
    thethingswethink

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